I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Everyone says I win the strip club
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
