he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
