he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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