There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
