mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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