saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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