well I can't set my house on fire every night
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize