there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
