Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
