don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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