the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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