I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
