At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
