Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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