Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
