Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
