you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
