hell yes lets make some ravioli
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
