Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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