I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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