Grow some girl-balls and come out already
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
