I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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