In the future we'll all be gay
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
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