I just pynch a tree in the face
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
do herpes really smell.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
