You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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