She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
