Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She's the barista slut.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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