Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
