I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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