I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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