when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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