Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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