I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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