Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
