i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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