Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
