Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
