Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
