Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
