If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
