she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
