I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
