you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
