There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
