Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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