I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
