Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
