I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
