that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
