Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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