I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
