i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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