Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i need some magic done to my vagina
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
