Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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