you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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