So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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