Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
