those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
