Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
