you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
