I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
