My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
