Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
