I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
