Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
