Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
