please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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