you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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